The new year often brings with it a flurry of activity here at Equitable Mediation Services of New Jersey as couples who have been considering divorce, inquire about our divorce mediation services.  But in addition to our website and this blog, did you know that we also offer a free one-hour divorce mediation consultation where you and your spouse can come in to learn all about divorce mediation?  By now you’ve heard me say that the benefits of mediation are many but sometimes it can be hard to understand fully how divorce mediation can help you as a website can only go so far.

But with a free, no-obligation consultation, we can go over in detail the benefits of divorce mediation, the divorce mediation process and your particular situation to help you understand how divorce mediation can help you.  We’ll also provide you with some helpful take-aways such as a glossary of terms to help you understand the language of divorce mediation as well as a checklist of items you will need to gather for a successful mediation session.  We promise to do everything we can to make your divorce as peaceful and with as little impact to you and your family as possible and our free consultation is just one way we do that.

With offices in six central NJ locations, or sessions conducted in your own home, we try to make it as easy as possible for you during this stressful time.  Please  contact us today to learn how divorce mediation can help you and why we feel it truly is the smarter way to divorce.

Invariably at this time of year, the phone at Equitable Mediation Services rings frequently with individuals inquiring about divorce mediation.  Perhaps it’s the time of year when our thoughts turn to New Year’s resolutions and thinking that we don’t want to spend another year like this but making a resolution to get divorced is not necessarily the best idea.  Divorce requires some serious thought.

People think that as a NJ divorce mediator, I am pro-divorce.  That is simply not the case.  I am for helping people who have made the decision to divorce manage their divorce through mediation in a peaceful and efficient manner with as little stress and impact on them and their family as possible.  No doubt divorce is a major life trauma, second only to the death of a parent or spouse and my role is not to promote divorce by any means but rather to minimize the conflict and help couples resolve the issues through mediation and come to an agreement that works for both of them, and their children if applicable.

I feel it’s important for couples to consider all of their options before proceeding with a divorce but once the decision is made, divorce mediation truly is your best alternative to a messy, litigated, attorney-driven divorce.  There are many benefits of mediation, of that there is no doubt and the road will be difficult at times, but with a little preparation and perseverance you will get through it one step at a time with my help.

For a checklist of items you will need to prepare for divorce mediation, please visit our helpful resources section and click on the link for Forms / Worksheets.  In the meantime, should you have any questions, please feel free to contact us and we’ll do our best to answer any questions you may have about divorce, mediation or the process in general.  We realize you have a choice when it comes to divorce mediation services and we at Equitable Mediation Services want to thank you for the trust you’ve put in us this year and look forward to helping you in your time of need in the coming year.

In our last post in a four part series on what makes a good New Jersey divorce mediator, we at Equitable Mediation Services will wrap up with what we think is the most important quality of all: persistence. Why is persistence the most important factor in making a good divorce mediator you ask?

There are two approaches I have heard regarding divorce mediation:

1. The Hands-Off Approach: The parties enter divorce mediation under their own free will and can start and stop the divorce mediation process any time they like, moving at their own pace until they may or may not come to an agreement with the divorce mediator simply acting as a neutral third party and not intervening in the proceedings at all; or
2. The Actively-Engaged Approach: The parties enter divorce mediation under their own free will and are guided by the NJ divorce mediator in a structured but flexible way, moving the proceedings along at a pace that is productive yet not rushed, while the mediator is actively engaged in helping the parties bring the divorce mediation proceedings to a mutually agreeable conclusion.

In the first example above, some refer to that as the “Potted Plant” syndrome whereby the mediator is about as effective as a potted plant (and probably says just about as much.)  There are some who may argue that having a neutral third-party keeps clients on their best behavior and that is the mediator’s role.  But if the mediator isn’t there to assist the parties with their divorce other than to be a babysitter, then I’m not sure what they are adding to any divorce mediation proceedings.

We at Equitable Mediation Services take the latter approach to ensure that our clients come to an agreement and we do that in four ways:

1. We remain actively engaged in your divorce mediation sessions by asking pointed questions to guide the proceedings, using our expertise to offer options and alternatives when necessary.
2. We advocate for a settlement by exploring multiple options with our clients to find one or more solutions that are mutually agreeable and explain the downstream implications for you and your family.
3. We apply pressure when necessary (not to be confused with coercion or intimidation) and do our best keep the parties moving forward to maintain the integrity of the mediation process, even if it’s what one party may perceive as slow.  Our motto is slow progress is better than no progress at all.
4. We follow up each session with e-mails and phone calls, offering drafts of the MOU in progress so the parties can see the agreements they are coming to and review and revisit any decisions made in session once they’ve had an opportunity to think about them.

We realize that going through a divorce is an emotional time and you have a lot of questions so we’re here to help.  You can find lots of great information about divorce mediation on the Equitable Mediation Services website, or please feel free to contact us to schedule a free, no-obligation consultation for you and your spouse to learn more about the benefits of mediation and how Equitable Mediation Services of New Jersey can help you with your divorce mediation.