Working Through Delays in Divorce Mediation

We at Equitable Mediation Services are often asked by clients “how long will this take?” to which we reply – “it’s entirely up to you.”  I have seen couples who can work out many of their issues in a matter of weeks and others who may take months and even up to a year to complete their divorce mediation.  One of the benefits of mediation is that it is self-paced and couples can choose how quickly or slowly they wish to proceed.   This is not without its difficulties however as delays during divorce mediation are not uncommon.

There are times when one of the parties (especially if it is the individual who does not wish the divorce to happen) attempts to delay the proceedings by simply not responding to inquires by the mediator or their spouse.  And while this tactic may work in the short run, what the delaying party does not realize is that other legal remedies are still available to their spouse.

Couples who use divorce mediation are often under the impression that once they are engaged in the process, this is the only route they can take to their divorce.  That is simply untrue. There is much to know about divorce mediation and that is why the use of an experienced divorce mediator is critical.  While we like to see couples work through their issues by using divorce mediation in New Jersey, neither of the parties relinquishes their right to litigate should divorce mediation not work out.

Usually cooler heads prevail and divorce mediation is successful.  I have yet to have a client begin mediation and then proceed to litigation because divorce mediation did not work out so that’s promising.  However, along they way, often times parties will simply stop responding to requests or come to a part in the proceeding where we are getting close to finishing the Memorandum of Understanding and they freeze.  At this point we have three options:

1. Wait it out and let the one party come to the conclusion that the divorce will move forward with or without them; or
2. Try and understand why they are reluctant to move forward and work with them to address their concerns; or
3. Move forward with an alternative course of action such as litigation.

While option #3 is my “option of last resort,” because the parties do not relinquish any of their legal rights and remedies available to them during divorce mediation in NJ, one party can choose to contact an attorney and begin the process of litigation.  Sadly, the delaying party will have no choice but to respond to the lawsuit and the entire process will become vastly more complicated and adversarial.  If the delaying party is aware of this, it is our hope they will continue down the path of divorce mediation and complete the process in a more peaceful and efficient manner because quite frankly the alternative is not an attractive option.

If you are using divorce mediation and find yourself at an impasse, ask your spouse what alternatives they think exist and see what they say.  If they respond that they do not want to get a divorce and they think they can work things out, explain to them that in New Jersey, it only takes one person to get a divorce.  That is:  if one party wants a divorce then both parties are getting a divorce and at that point, it is up to both of you to choose the path you will take to get there.

If you have any questions about divorce mediation or are interested in learning more, we at Equitable Mediation Services offer a free, no obligation consultation in either the martial home or one of our six New jersey office locations so please feel free to contact us as we’d be happy to assist you in any way we can.