Divorce Mediation and Child Support: The Third Step in the Process

This is a revised post of a previously published article

In part three of our series on the steps in the divorce mediation process, today’s topic is Child Support in the State of NJ.  As this is a rather complex issue, I am going to break this out into two parts to try and keep it manageable since even for a professional mediator such as myself, the subject matter is a complex one.

At a very high level, there are three main principles behind the New Jersey Child Support Guidelines.  They are:

1. Child support is a continuous duty of both parents as the children belong to both of them; and
2. Children are entitled to share in the current income of both parents and not simply the parent who has custody; and
3. Children should not be the economic victims of divorce.

Let’s take each of those points one by one and analyze them

First: “Child support is a continuous duty of both parents as the children belong to both of them”

One thing I hear constantly (and always from the parent that is “paying”) is this – how come I have to pay child support and my spouse doesn’t have to?  The fact is, they are paying child support, they simply aren’t writing a check.  In those cases where the child or children are living with one parent (called the custodial parent or parent of primary residence) they are incurring expenses for that child and paying for them from their own pocket.  Child Support is less a payment and more a “transfer of income” from one parent to the other in order to care for their child; hence the reason child support in New Jersey is not considered taxable income.  Children cost money to raise and the payment of Child Support helps offset those expenses. Notice I didn’t say “covers” or “takes care of” those expenses.   It is simply one parent’s share of what it costs to raise that child.

Second: “Children are entitled to share in the current income of both parents and not simply the parent who has custody”

I apologize for stating the obvious but it took two of you to bring this child into the world and it will take two of you to raise this child, regardless of your marital status.  Because you both share in the responsibility to raise this child, you are both expected to contribute financially (and of course emotionally) to the well being of this child.  Your child. The calculations (which we will get into in the second part of this article) take into account each parties ability to pay so even if your income is much less than that of your ex-spouse, you are still expected to contribute something.

Third: “Children should not be the economic victims of divorce”

As your child had no hand in your decision to divorce, both of you must do as much as possible to minimize the burden, in this case the financial burden, on them.  By doing your part financially and working together, it is the goal that your child will continue to enjoy a comparable lifestyle to that of when you were both together.  Sadly, in many cases, people find it is more expensive to run two separate households than one and so everyone’s standard of living is reduced.  The goal here is to minimize the impact it has on your child, but in most cases we can’t necessarily eliminate it.

As every family’s circumstances are unique, it is always best to consult with a mediator who can help you and your spouse understand the child support guidelines in detail and determine what an appropriate amount of child support would be within the scope of your child custody arrangement.  With that in mind, please note this document is intended to give a general overview of the subject matter and not to provide any specific legal advice. Should you have any specific questions regarding child support in your particular situation, please contact us and we’d be happy to schedule a free, no obligation consultation to discuss child support and the mediation process.

Can Divorce Mediation Let You Keep the House?

We’ve heard a lot about the housing market lately, with housing prices going down and mortgage companies going belly-up and when you and your spouse are in the middle of divorce mediation trying to discuss such issues, it can be a bit frightening to say the least. No one likes to “take a loss” on the sale of their house.  I mean really, for years the prices and values of homes have been doing nothing but go up and so why would anyone sell their home for less than what they paid for it? Sadly, this is the exact question many couples in divorce mediation are asking themselves right now. So don’t feel bad as you are not alone.

One of the benefits of mediation is that all decisions are yours: you’ve heard me say that before. But did you know that your mediator can work out an arrangement that allows you and your spouse to keep the house without taking a loss and sell it when you both feel the time (and the market) is right?

We here at Equitable Mediation Services understand what you’re going through and want to work with you in order to create an agreement that works both emotionally and financially. By drafting language into your Memorandum of Understanding outlining the terms of your arrangement, the house can be kept until you both feel the time is right to sell it. Some couples delay the sale of the marital home in order to keep a school-aged child in the same school system and minimize disruption to their lives but it can also be used as a tool to prevent financial loss. The same principles apply and arrangements can be outlined detailing who pays for things such as the mortgage, repairs, maintenance, etc.

And while you will both need to consult with a financial professional to understand the tax & financial implications, our helpful resources section can help you with locating someone to discuss this with and give you the tools you need in order to make an informed decision.

As every family’s circumstances are unique, it is always best to consult with a mediator who can help you and your spouse understand the issues in detail and draft an arrangement that works for both of you. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have or to schedule a free, no obligation consultation to learn if mediation is right for you.

Having a Plan to Participate in your Divorce

Divorcing is an emotional time, there is no question about that.  And when things seem to be spiraling out of control, the last thing on your mind is probably to have a plan.  So many questions to answer, to many things running through your head – it can all be too much.  You may be tempted to go out and hire the first attorney you find because you just want someone else to ‘take care of it” but in the end, you feel like a victim of the system anyway. Of all the people I’ve spoken to and all the articles I’ve read and research studies I’ve seen, it’s by taking control, not relinquishing it, is when people feel the most at ease.  But how can you participate in a process without having to control it?

The answer is simple: divorce mediation.

Divorce mediation has many benefits but one of the most under looked benefit in my opinion, is your ability to participate in the process without having to worry about every last detail.  By using an experienced divorce mediator, they can guide you through the process, gathering input from both parties and helping you come to a mutually agreeable solution.  Both parties learn to communicate and learn along the way to get you must also give and it is through this give and take that I believe the foundations of a solid compromise are formed.

Look around you for examples in the real world: whether it be peace negotiations in a foreign land or labor negotiations here in the United States, people want their voices heard and what better way to do that than with divorce mediation.  With a little help, you’ll get your say and hopefully leave the process with a little more dignity than when you came into it and have a better understand of all the things that went into your settlement.

And as always, please feel free to contact us here at Equitable Mediation Services and we’ll do our best to assist you anyway we can.

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