Getting to our True Selves During Divorce Mediation

This past Saturday some of us from Equitable Mediation Services had the pleasure of attending the annual New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators conference in Somerset, NJ.  And while as a divorce mediator, this wasn’t the first conference I have attended and it certainly won’t be the last, this one was different than many of the conferences on mediation I have attended in the past.

As many of you who have attended conferences before, you understand about the “breakout” sessions.  These are small, sub groups that choose to focus on a particular topic pertinent to the conferences theme, in this case mediation.  The breakout I chose to attend had to do with a mediation that involved more than two parties.  In this particular session, there were seven individuals, each with their own agenda and in some cases, their own mental illness and the case did not involve divorce mediation but rather a family dispute involving a family elder. The task of the participants was to manage the conflict while determining what illness each member of the mediator possessed.

As I was participating in the proceedings, I thought to myself, “even though as a New Jersey divorce mediator, I traditionally sit across from two individuals, I wonder how many individuals there really are in my sessions and what other personality traits lie underneath their exteriors?”  This may seem like an odd question at first, but the more you think about it, it’s like that old Billy Joel song “The Stranger” in which he sings about us having many faces that some we use everyday and some we only take out when everyone is gone.

When presented with conflict, is there another face you take out and put on?  It’s only natural that when going through a painful and emotional time such as a divorce, you do whatever it takes to protect yourself and that “other face” may be just the thing.  As a divorce mediator, I try to create an environment that is comfortable for all parties involved so that we can take off the masks and get down the heart of the matters that we are faced with.  Being able to do that is just one of the many benefits of mediation and something I strongly feel you don’t find in other more adversarial processes such as hiring an attorney to litigate your divorce.  Because the bottom line is you need to be your true self in order to be true to yourself and divorce mediation can help you do that.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact us to set up a free consultation to learn more about how Equitable Mediation Services can help you.  We’re always glad to help in any way we can.