Divorce Mediation & Celebrity Divorce: The Alec Baldwin Story
October 10, 2008 by Joseph F Dillon · Comments Off
In September, Alec Baldwin released a new book detailing his recent trials and tribulations during his divorce entitled “A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey through Fatherhood and Divorce” and was recently interviewed by William Georgiades of the LA Times. In the article, the subject of divorce, family law and divorce mediation came up frequently. And while I have not read the book personally, according to Mr. Georgiades it reads “as an indictment of the legal profession as it relates to family law.”
As many of you know, Mr. Baldwin has not been viewed favorably in the media for his highly-publicized voice-mail left for either his ex-wife or daughter, depending on who you believe. The author noted that Mr. Baldwin refused to go the “high-conflict” route and turned down offers from divorce attorney’s he described as “pit-bull lawyers” and instead focused on finding a lawyer who would be willing to allow the case to be mediated. Sadly, as we all know from watching the news, mediation is not how things turned out for Mr. Baldwin and Ms. Basinger and things have continued to go sour between the parties during their divorce.
And I’m sure while there are 3 sides to every story, hers, his and the truth, reading this made me sad to think that here is an individual who understands the benefits of mediation and wants to try and work things out in private while keeping the best interests of the child in mind. The mediator got fired and the rest as they say, is history. Trial by jury in the court of public opinion.
What can this teach us? I say it teaches us that if you think that getting an attorney and taking your case to court is the answer to your problems: think again. It would seem to me that a celebrity with seemingly unlimited financial resources and access to the “best” (and I use that term loosely) attorney’s money can buy, turned out with a worse result than couples who chose to mediate their case. And that is why divorce mediation is truly the smarter way to divorce.
If you have any comments on this article or questions for us here at Equitable Mediation Services, please feel free to contact us and we’d be happy to set up a free, no obligation consultation.
Divorce Mediation & Parenting Plans: The First Step in the Process
October 8, 2008 by Joseph F Dillon · Comments Off
As part of our continuing series on divorce mediation with Equitable Mediation Services here in central New Jersey, this installment will focus on those individuals entering divorce mediation who have children. Sadly, children are often the victims of divorce both financially and emotionally. Too many times I see people going through a divorce and forgetting that while they may no longer be husband and wife, they are still mom and dad. In order to ensure the child is not left out in the cold, the first step in the divorce mediation process we take is to design a Parenting Plan.
The Parenting Plan will outline the way each soon to be ex-spouse interacts with both their children and each other. It can be as broad or as detailed as necessary and to what level of detail we go into is a judgment is usually made when I as your mediator get a better sense on three things:
- Your ability to communicate with each other
- Your willingness to cooperate with each other
- The level of conflict each of you has over your divorce
Naturally, the more willing you are to communicate and work together for the benefit of your child, the less stringent the requirements need to be. It is always my hope that both parents can put their needs second and focus on those of the child, although that is not always the case.
The reason I begin divorce mediation with the Parenting Plan is that I feel it is the one area of the divorce proceedings that most likely, both parents can agree on. When asked, what parent would say they don’t want to do what’s in the best interest of their child?
The Parenting Plan covers a wide variety of topics including, but not limited to:
- Residence: Whose home will be designated the “primary residence” for the child(ren)?
- Regular Weekly Schedule: What is the pattern of time your child(ren) will spend with each of you during an ordinary week?
- Holiday and Vacation Schedules: How will your child(ren)’s time be arranged for on School or Religious holidays or Summer vacations?
- Transportation: Who will be responsible for transportation of the child(ren) between your homes?
- Health: Who will make medical decisions on behalf of your child?
- Education: Who will make decisions regarding school placements, special programs, acceleration or retention?
- Religion: What responsibilities will each of you have for the religious education of your child(ren)?
- Emergency Plans: What will be done if there is a last minute change in a parent’s schedule?
- Other Communication: How will regular communication between each of you regarding your child(ren) occur?
it is important to note that these are just a handful of the many issues that are outlined in a parenting plan and child custody arrangement in New Jersey. As every family’s circumstances are unique, it is always best to consult with a mediator who can help you and your spouse consider all the issues involved and help both of you develop an appropriate parenting plan for your child or children. With that in mind, please note this document is intended to give a general overview of the subject matter and not to provide any specific legal advice.
And as always, if you have any questions about our services or have any specific questions regarding parenting plans and child custody arrangements in your particular situation, please contact us and we’d be happy to schedule a free, no obligation consultation to discuss parenting plans and the divorce mediation process in detail.
Divorce Mediation: A Consumer Reports “Top Pick?”
October 6, 2008 by Joseph F Dillon · Comments Off
A recent article in Consumer Reports Magazine Online offered practical advice on how to survive three of the largest financial crises you will even encounter: the loss of a job, a health crisis and a divorce. In the article they offered three pieces of advice in the area of divorce:
- Protect yourself
- Temper your emotions
- Take control of your finances
Interestingly enough, much of the advice they provided contains the same tenants of behavior we follow during divorce mediation.
When it comes to protecting yourself, they felt the more you knew going into this process, the better and told you to gather information on where your family’s assets are and where financial statements, tax returns, and insurance policies are kept. During divorce mediation with Equitable Mediation Services, we provide you with a Divorce Mediation Data Collection Checklist in order to help you gather your thoughts and get a handle on the most important documents you’ll need during divorce mediation. Many people say that going through a divorce is similar to the loss of a parent or loved one and emotions are running high. It is important to have someone to keep you focused on the tasks at hand and to ensure that you are getting a fair settlement.
When it comes to tempering your emotions, again, they cautioned to not let an emotional situation get the best of you and stay focused on getting through your divorce without bankrupting yourself. As your mediator, I can tell you from my 18+ years of experience negotiating complex agreements, the side that loses their cool never wins. Stay focused on the bigger picture and what’s really important, especially if you have children.
And when it comes to taking control of your finances, what better way to do it than to save up to $70,000 or possibly more by using divorce mediation? In addition to the many emotional benefits of mediation, you are already at a major advantage as you can save anywhere from $20,000 to $70,000 just by using divorce mediation according to a recent Wall Street Journal article. Countless studies have shown that using divorce mediation is not only better for you but that children of parents who used divorce mediation are:
- 12 times less likely to have behavioral problems than children whose parents went through a traditional divorce
- 35% more likely to receive child support
- Have better relationships with both of their parents even 20 years down the road.
As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact us and we’d be glad to help any way we can.
