Divorce Mediation Bargaining Styles
As money is a major concern for divorcing couples in New Jersey, many of the calls to Equitable Mediation Services concern the issues of cost and how long divorce mediation takes. As a NJ divorce mediator, this puts me in an awkward position as I’d like to accurately answer the question but the reality is, I simply don’t know. I could give you the broad averages of $2,500 to $7,500 which is FAR less than the $32,000 to $78,000 for an attorney driven divorce but the fact is, until I know your bargaining style, I can’t say for certain if you’ll fall on the low end of the range or the high end. Why? Because the “arc of mediation” is pretty much the same for any couple with children so the time to completion is almost entirely dependent on one factor: your bargaining style.
There are three types of bargaining styles in divorce mediation:
- Scorched Earth – in situations such as these, one or possibly both parties are unwilling to budge and truly attempt to mediate their divorce. For mediation clients who employ this style it’s been my experience that it’s either (a) too early to mediate since the pain of the divorce is still too fresh in their mind and they haven’t accepted it’s really happening or (b) they don’t wish to abdicate control to the other party and “let them” have a divorce.
- Giving Away the Farm – in situations such as these, one party is willing to give everything to the other party so there seems to be no disagreement. But the pain of divorce may not be making one party think clearly and a few years from now when they’re feeling better they’re going to regret giving everything to their ex and will be hurting financially. For mediation clients who employ this style it’s usually a symptom of one of two things (a) they’ve committed some indiscretion and are feeling guilty so this is their way of assuaging their guilt or (b) they are depressed and just don’t care. In this case it’s important the party seeks the assistance of a qualified mental health professional.
- Fair and Equitable – in situations such as these, both parties understand that to get you have to give and it is in these cases where we have the most success in terms of a fair and equitable settlement and the most cost efficient divorce mediation. Thinking about what you’re willing to give and get before you come to divorce mediation is the real key to a successful negotiation since arguing over every item individually makes clients lose sight of how everything fits into the bigger picture and creates impasses and delays.
No matter which style you and your spouse employ, with the help of an Accredited Professional NJ Divorce Mediator we can come to an agreement that is fair and equitable for both of you and avoid the contentious and expensive process of hiring a lawyer and going to court. My name is Joseph Dillon and I invite you to contact me or give me a call at (908) 864-2177 to schedule a consultation today.
Comments off




